Grief is a powerful, penetrating, persistent pain that takes a long time to heal--if it ever totally does. There are however many healthy ways to deal with our grief, ways that warm our hearts to God and encourage those around us. One of the deepest losses I have ever experienced was when a young man, a dear friend of our family named Mitch Swaback, went suddenly to be with the Lord in his early twenties. It was three years ago today. Here is a letter I wrote as part of my grieving on the first anniversary of his home-going. I hope it helps someone struggling with their grief.
We’ve Lost a Son
by James MacDonald
“It’s three a.m. and my mind is bursting with sadness.
I cannot sleep, I only weep. How can that be?
I always sleep, even when my mind is racing,
even when my heart has lost its song.
I’m wide awake. I’m gonna break.
We’ve lost a son.
“I dropped my own boy off at college today.
I didn’t sigh, I didn’t cry. How can that be? What’s wrong with me?
My son, so loved, has left the house and altered family feeling for all time.
It’s a day of dread, but no tears shed.
We’ve lost a son.
“Parents die, it’s part of life. They leave, we grieve.
And time goes on unbroken, as the cadence of the clock cannot be stopped.
But not like this, a grief that flows and grows and shows.
We’ve lost a son.
“No words can say what echoes in the heart. It now appears our deepest fears.
These lines must fail to capture what the human soul can never comprehend.
We’re shocked and rocked. Can time erase his wondrous face?
We’ve lost a son.
“I sense a warming touch upon my spirit. I’m wrong, I’m shown. I’m not alone.
The kind of understanding that can only come from sharing something deep.
God’s heart is broken too. So He forgives so I might live.
God lost a Son.
“What kind of Father makes this staggering choice?
Only a love that’s from above would crucify Heaven’s Treasure
so that my unworthy soul could be redeemed. God’s love is awesome.
Yes, now I see. For one like me,
God gave His Son, not lost.
God so loved the world that he gave.
But wait, 1 John 4:10 says,
‘In this is love, not that we love God, but that He loved us and SENT His Son.’”
